Anger is a secondary emotion. It’s not what you’re feeling it’s how you’re reacting. And the primary emotion—the one you’re reacting to—is almost always hurt…or (sometimes) fear. This idea is really helpful. Liberating. Especially in our closest relationships. If I’m angry at my spouse (best friend, co-worker, or the guy who nearly ran into me on the freeway) anger isn’t primarily what I’m feeling. Anger is a defense mechanism our brain uses to protect us from the overwhelm of pain and its concomitant worry.
Where’s the Hurt?
Where’s the Hurt?
Anger is a secondary emotion. It’s not what you’re feeling it’s how you’re reacting. And the primary emotion—the one you’re reacting to—is almost always hurt…or (sometimes) fear. This idea is really helpful. Liberating. Especially in our closest relationships. If I’m angry at my spouse (best friend, co-worker, or the guy who nearly ran into me on the freeway) anger isn’t primarily what I’m feeling. Anger is a defense mechanism our brain uses to protect us from the overwhelm of pain and its concomitant worry.